


Burning Ashes

by Moonscar



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Bitter, Burning, Coffee, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Mild Fluff, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Love, Pain, Parties, Swearing, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 13:45:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17122490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonscar/pseuds/Moonscar
Summary: He felt like he was being suffocated.





	Burning Ashes

He felt like he was being suffocated.

A party was going on around him, music playing in the back round and couples dancing to the music while others stood to the side, talking with friends or eating the food displayed on a long table to the back of the room.

Tony wasn't paying attention to any of this though. His eyes were trained on the couple in the back, talking to each other and standing in close proximity of one another, the two looking at each other with such love and affection it hurt to watch.

He felt his heart clench when Steve leaned down and pecked Bucky on the lips, getting a small smile from his significant other.

Tony watched as Steve stood straighter and glanced over at Tony for a moment, sending a small, kind smile his way. Tony felt his heart swell for a moment and nodded at Steve, trying to force his smile down, because it'd be so wrong and so out of character for him to do so.

He just needs to pretend that everything's okay, pretend that he doesn't feel like he's dying inside every moment he watches Steve be with Bucky.

Tony shifted his gaze down at his wine glass and took a sip from it before placing it down on the table behind him, reaching to grab a glass of coffee instead, knowing that he shouldn't drink anymore before he falls down on old habits.

Especially now that he has a kid looking up to him for everything.

Tony sighed and took a swing of the coffee, relishing in the feeling of the burning as it went down his throat, hoping for the physical pain of the drink with be able to hide the emotional pain he was feeling, but it was in vain. Tony stared down at the black coffee in the cup, seeing his reflection shine back at him.

He truly tried to be happy for the two of them, he truly did. He knows their a perfect match and that they will be able to love each other for much longer than Tony will even live, they've known each other for so long and missed each other for dozens of decades, the least that Tony can do is be happy for them.

It hurt so much though.

Tony took another swing of his coffee with this thought. Even with knowing that the coffee wouldn't wash away the pain, he could still try. He sent a brief thought to the wine glasses all lined on the table, wondering if the old friend of booze would be able to wash it away like it used to do so many times before.

It's sad to think that getting drunk is the only thing he can think of relying on now.

The only that that stuck with him his whole life, until decided years ago at least.

The day Steve found him drunk off his fucking ass and helped him through recovery with his alcoholism, one of the few things for him.

It's because of all those things he did for him that Tony is letting him be happy with his true loved one, the one that was truly meant for him. It's because of how much Tony loves him that he's letting Steve go, knowing that if Steve's happy, he can at least rest his own heart knowing that the one he loves has the one he loves, and will love for years to come. 

Doesn't change the fact that it hurts like a bitch though.

Suddenly the music that surrounded the room suddenly changed to a slower pace, and suddenly couples inched towards the dance floor to dance and Tony rolled his eyes at how cliche it was, because that really shouldn't happen in real life. His thoughts suddenly halted when he saw Steve gently tugging at his lover's hand to go towards the dance floor, saying something to the soldier with a broad smile on his lips. Bucky rolled his eyes and followed the super soldier to dance floor.

The two got in position to dance and so they did, Bucky being a bit clumsy on his feet although quickly getting the hang of it, almost as if they had done this hundreds of times before, and they probably have. Tony can picture it, the two of them in their apartment or house dancing in the living room with music playing in the background, the blinds pulled down to hide from the outside world what was considered forbidden love.

It hurt Tony to even think about it. 

As the two twirled and moved around Tony felt his heart match their movements, twisting and turning to the point where he felt like it was gonna explode into a million pieces.

At this point, he wishes it would, just to stop this pain.

Tony finished his coffee, letting the burning in his throat cover the pain in his heart as he placed it back down on the table. 

He wanted to pull out his phone and do some work, maybe text people or answer emails, jot down new ideas for technology, but his eyes were stuck on the man he loves dancing with someone else.

Someone that wasn't him.

Tony turned on his heel and walked away just as the music slowed down, his feet dragging him away from the party and towards the door to exit, to go anywhere that wasn't here. 

He couldn't stand this, because even though he was happy for Steve and Bucky, he couldn't help the jealousy burning in a similar fashion to the coffee he drank moments ago, couldn't help the pain of the butterfly's in his stomach trashing around, wanting to escape. 

Couldn't help his heart swelling to the point where it felt like it was gonna shatter at any moment.

The moment Tony walked out, the music had slowed to a halt.

He could feel the burn of the coffee and jealousy suddenly overwhelm his body as he left behind the two.

He didn't have to turn around to know the two were kissing.

The doors closed behind Tony and he smiled bitterly as the soft clang echoed down the long hallway, Tony lifted his head up and stared ahead of him and down the seemingly endless hallway.

 

Tears slipped past his eyes.

 

A sob passed through his lips.

 

He felt his heart shatter and the butterfly's die as his tears hit the floor.

 

He felt them all burn to ashes, never be seen again but forever laying within him.

**Author's Note:**

> Why did I write this? I need to write a Christmas fic for after tomorrow and yet I decided this was a good idea- 
> 
> Also! Comments are fully welcomed and strongly advised since I love replying to them and reading them! =3
> 
> Inspired by the song Stone Cold (ironic, right?)


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